No, really!

Just two days ago, my wonderful wife, Julia, and I bought a car.

Thanks as much to a hiccup in communication as anything, I fell under the impression that she had in mind a coupe instead of a sedan (a two-door rather than four-door), and there was also a bit of confusion about color and the type of transmission.

We worked it out easily, at least some of the process taking place in the presence of the car salesman (to his mild amusement), and we bought a nice little Honda Civic.

I proceeded to post a blog entry which was formulaic in that it stretched the truth ever so slightly in order to paint a picture of Julia as bully, and me as victim. I thought the way I wrote it was cute, but I have to admit it was not exactly the truth.

To her credit, Julia did not get mad at all, but did raise the question: did I really want a more-sporty car? And, if that was the case, why did I give in so easily when she raised the concerns she had about the usability of a coupe vs. a four-door design?

I pleaded guilty to engineering a plot solely for the benefit of a story to tell in my blog, and I also acknowledged that she was right on the practical points. We really needed this car to be accessible for four or five people, not the pain that a coupe causes when that many people need to be transported.

So, why am I telling this story here? It's simple: a very important lesson to be learned if you plan to have a successful relationship will involve both admitting when you make a mistake, and offering gentle questioning when you know your partner has erred.

If you cannot give it up for your partner when you are wrong, you need to spend some time considering how to grow into a more mature person. If you cannot be gentle with your partner when he or she has made a mistake and you need to help them see it...yep, you, too, need to visit the Maturation Clinic and grow up some.

Here's a key point: right and wrong are far, far less important than are closeness and intimacy. Tell your ego to take a hike sometimes so you can grow closer to your mate. Save the right-vs-wrong contest for trivia bowls!

Happy Birthday, My Love!

Today is Rick's birthday, and I'm feeling overwhelming appreciation that he decided to show up on the planet when he did! Interestingly (or, at least, it's interesting to me!), he was born 23 days and five minutes sooner than I was, in a town about 60 minutes from where I was. He was born in Chapel Hill, NC, on the UNC campus and I was born in Lexington, NC.

That wouldn't be all that interesting except that when I met Rick, I was in North Carolina and he was in Colorado. We were both 43 at that time.We met online and for the first couple of weeks of our online friendship, I had no idea that he had NC roots--that his parents descended from generations of North Carolinians. I, on the other hand, am the daughter of NC newbies--my family has only been there for 60 years or so.

I always imagine that we were buddies in another realm and decided it would be fun to incarnate on Earth. I see the conversation as going something like this:

I say, "Look--it promises to be a grand adventure and all, but I'm not all that sure about it--could you please go first and check things out to be sure it's okay?"

And then Rick says, "I'd do anything for you, baby!" and leaps into the abyss, finding himself in a cradle in North Carolina (definitely God's country). He sends a message, "It's OOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKK...come on down!"

And so I wait till the timing is perfect, and I leap, too, finding myself blown off course a little so that I end up in a body in a cradle in a town not too far away, but just far enough that we don't find each other for quite some time.

Okay. A fantasy. But it does feel we were destined, even if it took more than 4 decades and a lot of mileage to find each other again.

I actually started writing this because I wanted to pay tribute to Rick's wonderfulness. He's not only my lover and best friend, he's like the big brother I always dreamed of having--you know, the one that takes care of you and protects you and gives you really good advice and helps you remember who you are, putting you in your place when needed!

Here is a list of just some of the things I love about Rick besides that he is devoted to me and is always doing things to make my life richer, more fun, and easier. He's:

brilliant
insightful
articulate
compassionate
quick-witted
funny
intuitive
giving
patient
helpful
easy-going
loyal
wise
trustworthy
mine! (okay--so no one belongs to another, but you know what I mean!)

Happy Birthday, my love!