Just two days ago, my wonderful wife, Julia, and I bought a car.
Thanks as much to a hiccup in communication as anything, I fell under the impression that she had in mind a coupe instead of a sedan (a two-door rather than four-door), and there was also a bit of confusion about color and the type of transmission.
We worked it out easily, at least some of the process taking place in the presence of the car salesman (to his mild amusement), and we bought a nice little Honda Civic.
I proceeded to post a blog entry which was formulaic in that it stretched the truth ever so slightly in order to paint a picture of Julia as bully, and me as victim. I thought the way I wrote it was cute, but I have to admit it was not exactly the truth.
To her credit, Julia did not get mad at all, but did raise the question: did I really want a more-sporty car? And, if that was the case, why did I give in so easily when she raised the concerns she had about the usability of a coupe vs. a four-door design?
I pleaded guilty to engineering a plot solely for the benefit of a story to tell in my blog, and I also acknowledged that she was right on the practical points. We really needed this car to be accessible for four or five people, not the pain that a coupe causes when that many people need to be transported.
So, why am I telling this story here? It's simple: a very important lesson to be learned if you plan to have a successful relationship will involve both admitting when you make a mistake, and offering gentle questioning when you know your partner has erred.
If you cannot give it up for your partner when you are wrong, you need to spend some time considering how to grow into a more mature person. If you cannot be gentle with your partner when he or she has made a mistake and you need to help them see it...yep, you, too, need to visit the Maturation Clinic and grow up some.
Here's a key point: right and wrong are far, far less important than are closeness and intimacy. Tell your ego to take a hike sometimes so you can grow closer to your mate. Save the right-vs-wrong contest for trivia bowls!
Showing posts with label loving relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loving relationship. Show all posts
Monday, May 26, 2008
Sunday, October 21, 2007
You! You are magnificent and special!
Julia and I were talking a couple of days ago, and she mentioned something which, this morning, triggered in me a desire to capture here the essence of what she said.
I had just gotten home from work, and as is often the case, our little boy dachshund wanted the chance to chase a chew toy down the hall a couple of times. That's pretty much his limit: if he goes after the toy twice, I know he has had enough of that game and let him go back to relaxing in his mom's office.
Each time he would bring the toy back, both Julia and I would praise him as if he had just found a combination miracle which cured all disease and made all humanity get along forever.
Once he was done retrieving, she said, "How cool would it be if someone would praise us that way for all the normal things we do in life? What if, when you got to work, people were waiting to praise you with a huge smile on their faces, just for showing up? What if, when you stopped for a red light driving home that day, someone 'Wooohooo!!'ed you for stopping when you were supposed to?"
While we just laughed at the time and went on about our end-of-the-workday routine, the idea stuck with me.
I don't propose the sort of out-of-proportion praise we talked about, but what if we all made the effort to say 'thanks' only two or three times a day more often than we already do?
From a relationship standpoint, are there chores or tasks or favors your partner takes on for you which you have come to take for granted? Can you find the places in your daily life where an extra, heartfelt 'thanks!' would fit? If you can, then express it in the moment. If you cannot, then step back and consider where you have gone astray. We all have huge areas where we can be in gratitude, and it is part of our sacred journey to acknowledge them. And, it serves the person in gratitude every bit as much to say thank you, as it does the person to whom it is said!
In the spirit of this idea, I wish to thank my beloved wife, Julia, for her generous praise (and honest appraisal, as I am a nut) in her post here yesterday.
Thank you, Julia, who married a nut and sticks it out anyway!
I had just gotten home from work, and as is often the case, our little boy dachshund wanted the chance to chase a chew toy down the hall a couple of times. That's pretty much his limit: if he goes after the toy twice, I know he has had enough of that game and let him go back to relaxing in his mom's office.
Each time he would bring the toy back, both Julia and I would praise him as if he had just found a combination miracle which cured all disease and made all humanity get along forever.
Once he was done retrieving, she said, "How cool would it be if someone would praise us that way for all the normal things we do in life? What if, when you got to work, people were waiting to praise you with a huge smile on their faces, just for showing up? What if, when you stopped for a red light driving home that day, someone 'Wooohooo!!'ed you for stopping when you were supposed to?"
While we just laughed at the time and went on about our end-of-the-workday routine, the idea stuck with me.
I don't propose the sort of out-of-proportion praise we talked about, but what if we all made the effort to say 'thanks' only two or three times a day more often than we already do?
From a relationship standpoint, are there chores or tasks or favors your partner takes on for you which you have come to take for granted? Can you find the places in your daily life where an extra, heartfelt 'thanks!' would fit? If you can, then express it in the moment. If you cannot, then step back and consider where you have gone astray. We all have huge areas where we can be in gratitude, and it is part of our sacred journey to acknowledge them. And, it serves the person in gratitude every bit as much to say thank you, as it does the person to whom it is said!
In the spirit of this idea, I wish to thank my beloved wife, Julia, for her generous praise (and honest appraisal, as I am a nut) in her post here yesterday.
Thank you, Julia, who married a nut and sticks it out anyway!
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Happy YDBMFAWYYD Day
My husband is a silly, silly man. And a wonderful one. He brings me roses for all the major occasions such as YDBMFAWYYD Day.
This Saturday morning, I awoke to find that he was gone (he had told me he'd need to be at his office assisting with a project this morning for about an hour), but he had left me a kitchen sink full of 2 dozen of the most gorgeous red roses I believe I'd ever seen! (The roses, still swaddled in florist wrap, were carefully placed in a saucepan of water to keep them hydrated until I arranged them.)
There was no note with them, but I found an email announcing that these gorgeous flowers are for "YDBMFAWYYD Day." I could not find this on my calendar.
Upon his return from the office, he revealed that YDBMFAWYYD Day is "You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore WAIT! Yes You Do!" Day. Sigh...I married a nut.
It has, indeed, been awhile since he came home with flowers for me--something I didn't even realize till today when he told me what day it is. But that's okay--he tells me and shows me in what high esteem he holds me (the man is very clear I'm the queen!) in so very many ways every day, it's not like I need the roses to know. However that is NOT said to discourage him from acting on his flower-buying impulses--just to say they are just icing on a very voluptuous cake of affection! (Okay--so we're both a little nutty--a perfect fit!)
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
The gritty parts, too!
As Julia and I tell the history of how we got together almost ten years ago, we have heard from some who have read the entire story that they see us as some kind of amazingly inspirational and magic couple.
I think, honestly, that there is some truth in the belief that how we found each other was magical. It was certainly a time which inspired great gushes of Love flowing between us and through us!
At the same time, we don't want to mislead anyone. We have been together now for ten years, married for more than eight years, and we don't pretend for a moment that every day has been nothing but sweetness and light.
Here's what I will say, though: even in those times when we have had something come up which interfered with our clear communication and flow of Love, we faced whatever it was, we worked through it together, and we came out the other side of those times still as dedicated to each other as we ever had been.
Sometimes--rarely--that can involve shouting and anger. More often, it involves tears and hearfelt expressions of confusion or doubt. We have learned the importance of respectfully disagreeing. We can be on opposite sides of an issue without it pulling us to pieces.
Mostly, we will be reporting on how we make things work, and when we are inspired to detail a real-life episode which was not completely pleasant, we will.
This post, though, is just to let you know we are not saints or miracle workers. We are two people who love each other a great deal and are interested in sharing how we are able to handle life's challenges and remain on the same team. And, we are a couple who feel a powerful inspiration to share what we have learned! So, here we are.
I think, honestly, that there is some truth in the belief that how we found each other was magical. It was certainly a time which inspired great gushes of Love flowing between us and through us!
At the same time, we don't want to mislead anyone. We have been together now for ten years, married for more than eight years, and we don't pretend for a moment that every day has been nothing but sweetness and light.
Here's what I will say, though: even in those times when we have had something come up which interfered with our clear communication and flow of Love, we faced whatever it was, we worked through it together, and we came out the other side of those times still as dedicated to each other as we ever had been.
Sometimes--rarely--that can involve shouting and anger. More often, it involves tears and hearfelt expressions of confusion or doubt. We have learned the importance of respectfully disagreeing. We can be on opposite sides of an issue without it pulling us to pieces.
Mostly, we will be reporting on how we make things work, and when we are inspired to detail a real-life episode which was not completely pleasant, we will.
This post, though, is just to let you know we are not saints or miracle workers. We are two people who love each other a great deal and are interested in sharing how we are able to handle life's challenges and remain on the same team. And, we are a couple who feel a powerful inspiration to share what we have learned! So, here we are.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Where to start?
There are many friends I have come to know, particularly over the past five weeks, who I only know by their typed words which I have read on their blogs.
It is striking that some of the most intelligent, attractive, and fun women I have met are single and not necessarily loving it. These are people who are powerfully living their lives and not bemoaning their fate at all, don't get me wrong in that regard. In fact, some are completely at peace with being alone or raising a child or children by themselves. On the other hand, I don't think most would turn down the chance to meet someone compatible who could become more than just a friend. Maybe not today, because some of these amazing women (I’m sure there are guys out there in the same position, I just have not met them) are intentionally taking a break from the relationship arena to refresh their intimacy and knowledge of their own inner life and soul, or to determine what path they want to walk next in their lives.
In building this blog, Julia and I will focus a great deal on the dynamics of relationship and how understanding these dynamics can make life so much easier for couples and for the other people in their lives. That doesn't mean, though, that we won't also be writing about how to get to the point that there is a relationship in the first place. That’s my topic this morning.
In the early posts of our own story, Julia makes mention of the fact that she was unavailable for any kind of relationship for about eight years right in the early prime of her adult life. It was a conscious decision she reached after experiencing a pattern of finding men, but only ones with other attachments which made them unavailable.
Literally the day before we met, she opened her arms to love and declared to the universe her willingness to try again.
We have come to believe that this is very much a Law of Attraction kind of action. For those of you unfamiliar, the Law of Attraction is fairly simple to describe: what you put out to the universe is drawn to you as if by a powerful magnet. If you exude kindness and have a gentle nature, you will find people around you who are kind and gentle. If you are crabby with the world all the time, you will find yourself in traffic jams, helped by rude customer service people, and generally living a life designed by your crabbiness to enforce it.
Of course, one can discuss the Law of Attraction and its applications for years--Jerry and Esther Hicks have been doing so for close to 25 years now, and there is no end in sight to their Abraham seminars. Julia teaches it, particularly in her "Raise Your Frequency" talks and forum. So, while the explanation is enough for the purposes of this post, this is a topic rich with information to be mined. If you have not already, find a resource you are attracted to and resonate with, and learn more.
If the Law of Attraction is so simple to describe, at least at the rudimentary level, why do so many of us find it hard to use what we know? That's a much tougher question to answer, but the short version is, we simply are not able to get out of our own way to allow what we dream, the space to come into our lives.
We're all too busy trying to force things to be the way we want them--that's a critical word, 'want'--instead of doing what works, which is to feel the emotion you know you will experience when you have whatever you are busily driving away by coveting it. If you can broadcast to the universe, "I love living my life exactly as it is, and I have everything I could ever desire, including...[insert your dream here]" then you will find your desires practically falling out of the sky in their rush to match the frequency you are broadcasting on.
What we do instead is to send out the message that we're lonely, have low self esteem, and don't feel worthy of meeting someone who would be the perfect match for us. The universe, just as it always does, returns to us exactly what we are claiming: more opportunities to feel lonely, more chances to see ourselves as being unworthy, and people who have similar personal issues coming into our lives. There's a powerful reason why people seem to attract the same mismatches into their lives over and over. They are causing it to happen!
Here's a key part of breaking out of this pattern. Practice allowing. It is so easy to do that we find it very difficult. Practice sending out your message that you love having your desires met with perfection, and then get the heck out of the way. Let go of the string so that energetic message can fly wherever it needs to fly to do its job. Allow the universe to do its part of the manifesting process.
We tend to get all caught up in how our desires could possibly be fulfilled, and that's not where we need to focus. The universe, Spirit, God-in-me, whatever you choose to call it, is responsible for lining everything up so it falls into place. That cannot happen, though, if we are busily getting in the way!
What Julia did ten years ago is a great example. She had spent years denying the universe any opportunity to create and bring to her a partner, yet when she opened her heart and said, with full conviction, "Okay...I'm ready now" the universe brought me into her life in less than one day.
From my side of it, I had spent years denying my own worthiness and suffering because of it. For me, it was about two years of gradually learning to value myself before I was ready to be the answer to Julia's call. After those two years of preparation (and I only call it that in retrospect--I had not the slightest clue about the adventure I was about to become part of), it took Julia and me a matter of only a few weeks to come to grips with what we were for each other.
To the heart of the matter, if you are ready to have a partner enter your life, then announce it loud and clear! Stand with your arms open, and tell the universe that NOW is the time, and you are ready to meet this person. Then, let it go. Don’t peek around every corner, wondering if that’s the person right there, walking up the sidewalk. Instead, go on with your life. Live it fully, do what you love, and let things unfold for you naturally. Feel the comfort in your bones that you have done the only thing necessary to make this happen for you. Continue to put out the call that you are fully prepared for love, and allow it to come to you. The joy that such a call brings is exactly the frequency the universe recognizes, and responds to.
If you are inspired to go to places where you have the chance to meet single people who might fit the bill, go for it! The secret is, don’t force it. There’s nothing wrong with putting yourself in places where it is easy to meet people, as long as you are not giving off a vibe of the hunter or huntress. Again, inspiration can guide you. Be you, do what you are inspired to do, and let the magic unfold on your behalf. Julia is very adamant that allowing is not the same as lazily expecting miracles while you sit idly by and let life go on without you. Not at all! But your actions should be inspired ones, not flailing about without any purpose. If you feel a boost in energy when you consider going to a church potluck or out to the friendly neighborhood watering hole with a buddy, that’s your cue. Inspired action comes complete with motivation and energy to accomplish the action already built-in!
If you have thoughts or comments, please feel free to add them. We intend this to be a community, and it will be one where we learn right along with the folks like you who stop by.
Love,
Rick
It is striking that some of the most intelligent, attractive, and fun women I have met are single and not necessarily loving it. These are people who are powerfully living their lives and not bemoaning their fate at all, don't get me wrong in that regard. In fact, some are completely at peace with being alone or raising a child or children by themselves. On the other hand, I don't think most would turn down the chance to meet someone compatible who could become more than just a friend. Maybe not today, because some of these amazing women (I’m sure there are guys out there in the same position, I just have not met them) are intentionally taking a break from the relationship arena to refresh their intimacy and knowledge of their own inner life and soul, or to determine what path they want to walk next in their lives.
In building this blog, Julia and I will focus a great deal on the dynamics of relationship and how understanding these dynamics can make life so much easier for couples and for the other people in their lives. That doesn't mean, though, that we won't also be writing about how to get to the point that there is a relationship in the first place. That’s my topic this morning.
In the early posts of our own story, Julia makes mention of the fact that she was unavailable for any kind of relationship for about eight years right in the early prime of her adult life. It was a conscious decision she reached after experiencing a pattern of finding men, but only ones with other attachments which made them unavailable.
Literally the day before we met, she opened her arms to love and declared to the universe her willingness to try again.
We have come to believe that this is very much a Law of Attraction kind of action. For those of you unfamiliar, the Law of Attraction is fairly simple to describe: what you put out to the universe is drawn to you as if by a powerful magnet. If you exude kindness and have a gentle nature, you will find people around you who are kind and gentle. If you are crabby with the world all the time, you will find yourself in traffic jams, helped by rude customer service people, and generally living a life designed by your crabbiness to enforce it.
Of course, one can discuss the Law of Attraction and its applications for years--Jerry and Esther Hicks have been doing so for close to 25 years now, and there is no end in sight to their Abraham seminars. Julia teaches it, particularly in her "Raise Your Frequency" talks and forum. So, while the explanation is enough for the purposes of this post, this is a topic rich with information to be mined. If you have not already, find a resource you are attracted to and resonate with, and learn more.
If the Law of Attraction is so simple to describe, at least at the rudimentary level, why do so many of us find it hard to use what we know? That's a much tougher question to answer, but the short version is, we simply are not able to get out of our own way to allow what we dream, the space to come into our lives.
We're all too busy trying to force things to be the way we want them--that's a critical word, 'want'--instead of doing what works, which is to feel the emotion you know you will experience when you have whatever you are busily driving away by coveting it. If you can broadcast to the universe, "I love living my life exactly as it is, and I have everything I could ever desire, including...[insert your dream here]" then you will find your desires practically falling out of the sky in their rush to match the frequency you are broadcasting on.
What we do instead is to send out the message that we're lonely, have low self esteem, and don't feel worthy of meeting someone who would be the perfect match for us. The universe, just as it always does, returns to us exactly what we are claiming: more opportunities to feel lonely, more chances to see ourselves as being unworthy, and people who have similar personal issues coming into our lives. There's a powerful reason why people seem to attract the same mismatches into their lives over and over. They are causing it to happen!
Here's a key part of breaking out of this pattern. Practice allowing. It is so easy to do that we find it very difficult. Practice sending out your message that you love having your desires met with perfection, and then get the heck out of the way. Let go of the string so that energetic message can fly wherever it needs to fly to do its job. Allow the universe to do its part of the manifesting process.
We tend to get all caught up in how our desires could possibly be fulfilled, and that's not where we need to focus. The universe, Spirit, God-in-me, whatever you choose to call it, is responsible for lining everything up so it falls into place. That cannot happen, though, if we are busily getting in the way!
What Julia did ten years ago is a great example. She had spent years denying the universe any opportunity to create and bring to her a partner, yet when she opened her heart and said, with full conviction, "Okay...I'm ready now" the universe brought me into her life in less than one day.
From my side of it, I had spent years denying my own worthiness and suffering because of it. For me, it was about two years of gradually learning to value myself before I was ready to be the answer to Julia's call. After those two years of preparation (and I only call it that in retrospect--I had not the slightest clue about the adventure I was about to become part of), it took Julia and me a matter of only a few weeks to come to grips with what we were for each other.
To the heart of the matter, if you are ready to have a partner enter your life, then announce it loud and clear! Stand with your arms open, and tell the universe that NOW is the time, and you are ready to meet this person. Then, let it go. Don’t peek around every corner, wondering if that’s the person right there, walking up the sidewalk. Instead, go on with your life. Live it fully, do what you love, and let things unfold for you naturally. Feel the comfort in your bones that you have done the only thing necessary to make this happen for you. Continue to put out the call that you are fully prepared for love, and allow it to come to you. The joy that such a call brings is exactly the frequency the universe recognizes, and responds to.
If you are inspired to go to places where you have the chance to meet single people who might fit the bill, go for it! The secret is, don’t force it. There’s nothing wrong with putting yourself in places where it is easy to meet people, as long as you are not giving off a vibe of the hunter or huntress. Again, inspiration can guide you. Be you, do what you are inspired to do, and let the magic unfold on your behalf. Julia is very adamant that allowing is not the same as lazily expecting miracles while you sit idly by and let life go on without you. Not at all! But your actions should be inspired ones, not flailing about without any purpose. If you feel a boost in energy when you consider going to a church potluck or out to the friendly neighborhood watering hole with a buddy, that’s your cue. Inspired action comes complete with motivation and energy to accomplish the action already built-in!
If you have thoughts or comments, please feel free to add them. We intend this to be a community, and it will be one where we learn right along with the folks like you who stop by.
Love,
Rick
Friday, September 21, 2007
Welcome!
This is the newly born home of the blog shared by Julia and Rick Hamrick. It is our intent to tell our story of loving relationship. We will share how ours was created and how we maintain it, as well as sharing what we have learned over the years of working together, playing together...loving together. We know we can help.
We encourage you to join us in this pursuit, as we will do our level best to answer questions posted as comments to our blog entries! In each answer, you will find both Julia's and my perspective. Maybe we will agree. Maybe we won't! We know each other to be loving, kind, intuitive souls who have great willingness to help people find what we have found in our relationship, so even when our answers differ, it is pretty likely that one of them will resonate with you. Go with that answer.
Rick Hamrick
We encourage you to join us in this pursuit, as we will do our level best to answer questions posted as comments to our blog entries! In each answer, you will find both Julia's and my perspective. Maybe we will agree. Maybe we won't! We know each other to be loving, kind, intuitive souls who have great willingness to help people find what we have found in our relationship, so even when our answers differ, it is pretty likely that one of them will resonate with you. Go with that answer.
Rick Hamrick
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