This is the newly born home of the blog shared by Julia and Rick Hamrick. It is our intent to tell our story of loving relationship. We will share how ours was created and how we maintain it, as well as sharing what we have learned over the years of working together, playing together...loving together. We know we can help.
We encourage you to join us in this pursuit, as we will do our level best to answer questions posted as comments to our blog entries! In each answer, you will find both Julia's and my perspective. Maybe we will agree. Maybe we won't! We know each other to be loving, kind, intuitive souls who have great willingness to help people find what we have found in our relationship, so even when our answers differ, it is pretty likely that one of them will resonate with you. Go with that answer.
Rick Hamrick
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Julia and Rick Hamrick offer their heartfelt, spiritually based views and intuitive insights.
6 comments:
Hi Rick & Julia!
Found you through Jane...
I'm looking forward to all that you have to offer in ways of a sustainable relationship. I'm a mom of a 2 1/2 yr old and I find that I've little time for me at the end of the day, let alone time with my partner. It's not something that I like to admit, because there used to be more time for us both...but there it is! So I'll definitely be back...
Peace in,
Lil
Lil! Great to see you here.
From my own perspective, having been right where you are (only, I was the dad, and when we had a 2 1/2 yr old, we also had a six-month-old baby), I can tell you that maintaining closeness with your partner will require more conscious design and careful consideration now than at any other time as you raise your child (or children, if more come along).
What worked for me: asking for help from my now-ex's parents. They lived only a mile or so from us, and they loved having the grandkids around. So, we were able to get a few hours away from parenting once or twice a month without wearing out the kids' welcome.
If you don't have family nearby, develop a strong rapport with at least two babysitters. It will sometimes be the case that your favorite one will be unavailable when you have decided to create a date night, hence the recommendation that you come to know two of the teenagers in the neighborhood well enough that you are comfortable leaving your child with them for a few hours.
And, it really is possible to spend some time with your partner even at home, and before midnight. Not easy, because we all get caught up in the chores that have to happen while the kid is asleep. Remember, though, that maintaining the relationship which makes your family unit a complete one is no less important than doing those other two loads of laundry.
My kids, by the time they were that age, were willing to forego their nap if you have something fun going on, and that means a more-willing kid at bedtime that night! So, you can engineer some time in the evening with your partner, while your child is blissfullly unaware that you helped create the situation where they were worn out and ready for bed.
While I don't have a magic answer, these commonly recommended techniques are valuable, if not particularly original! And, they are parent-tested, I promise.
Rick
Hi, Lil~
Since I've never been in your position, I can't speak from experience of your particular set of circumstances, but I will give you what immediately came up for me when I read your comment that I *do* have experience in:
The more focus each of you place on nurturing your own Inner Child, the richer and more life-enhancing the time with your partner and your "external child" will be.
When you make it an intention to do that together--to watch out for each other's inner children--as well as your 2 2/2 year old--it becomes a bonding experience that enhances intimacy.
What I have observed is that when we tend to get sideways with each other and exhausted, and lose our feeling of being a team--no matter the particular circumstances--is when that precious being inside us that needs to feel loved, nurtured, and yes, special, is feeling short changed.
To be an effective parent and partner, your first allegiance has to be to YOU. And when, as partners, you can support each other in making that a priority, everything flows harmoniously from there.
I know--easier said than done--but it's a lot about making it a powerful intention and then trusting that you'll be guided as to how to follow through.
I think if you and your partner make it a focus to nurture ALL the children involved (the outer child and the 2 inner children), the more esprit d'corps you'll feel.
The cool thing about your situation is that inner children enjoy many of the same things that outer children do. So if, say, you approach going to the zoo or playground, or whatever with the intention that you're all going to get your needs met instead of 2 adults going on an outing to entertain and enrich your outer child, it will be more fun.
Of course, there are times that you will need to simply be alone with your own inner child and not be operating from the identity of responsible parent at the same time. For that, you will be wise to do as Rick recommends and magnetize a retinue of babysitters, for both "us time," and "me time."
Anyway, I realize you didn't exactly ask us for advice, but I guess we were raring to go and gave it anyway!
Love, Joy, Ease,
Julia
Rick and Julia, thank you so much for your advise! LOL ~ well I did sorta ask for it, otherwise I wouldn't have come here! Heck, you could use this as one of your first post, I don't mind!
I'm going to print this off and read it through, and share it with my partner. I'll be back for more...
Peace in,
Lil
ps. I'll probably have questions, just so you know... :-D
Lil--as our first visitor to leave us a bit of herself, you will always have a special place here!
We welcome your participation, and we mean that in every way. We're not the gurus, we're just the ones sparking the discussion. So, feel free to chime in when you want to add something to the discussion. We're so happy for your help getting us off the ground.
Best to you and yours,
Rick
I'm so glad to have this new blog to add to my daily favorites! As I was reading Julia's story, I could totally relate. Since my divorce, I've had a string of relationships with emotionally unavailable men. Time after time, it's been nothing but disappointment. Most of the time I make myself believe that a loving relationship is just not for me, but I know deep down inside there is a wonderful man out there and I hope we find each other one day....
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